This blog focuses on the importance of offering compassion to people who may be very worried about their family and friends in different countries.
The world seems more chaotic than it has ever been. Climate change, authoritarian rule, anti-migrant and refugee rhetoric makes many of us and the people we know feel unsafe and concerned. We may know people who have family and friends in different parts of the world who are worried for their safety owing to conflict and extreme weather events.
How do we respond? How do we offer our compassion and support when we are afraid? We may have a limited understanding of the politics of that country and we do not want to say the wrong thing. We may be afraid that we are at work and our speaking directly to our colleague’s suffering will cause them to be upset. We are afraid that we will not know how to react ourselves – so we take the easy option and say nothing.
This blog sets out to challenge the silence. Take a risk and speak to someone’s pain. Of course, you will want to fix it but you have to live with the fact that you can’t. We do not have the power individually to combat climate change or to change politics (only collectively) but we do have the ability individually to offer compassion to a fellow human being. And our ability to do this matters.
During the riots last year, Sunder Katwala wrote an article in the Observer where his advice was, ‘do not underestimate the power of a gesture of goodwill’. We need to do this collectively, at an organisational level and at an individual level. It mattered last year that organisations put out statements showing solidarity with members of staff who felt targeted by the rioters. Yes, the wording may not have always been perfect and the timing may have been slow but they still did it. They did not leave their staff feeling that their organisation was indifferent. A really good example of speaking to pain was in the Mayor of London’s newsletter where they spoke to suffering:
We’d like to begin this edition by acknowledging that the past year has been incredibly difficult for many Londoners, particularly those with family and friends in Israel, Gaza, the West Bank, Lebanon and the wider region. We have all watched in horror at the killing and suffering of innocent civilians, the hostages still held in captivity in appalling conditions and the catastrophic humanitarian crisis which has left millions displaced with no safe spaces.
This statement is Imperfect as many countries where people are enduring terrible suffering are not mentioned but nevertheless, they offered compassion and a recognition of suffering. Lack of acknowledgement can be seen as not caring or even not noticing.
Our acts as individuals matter:
Nalougo who read at the Refugee Poetry Hour (a recent event hosted by TogetherintheUK) wrote about his experience of compassion from a worker at Freedom from Torture:
Compassion:
Despite all the difficulties I was facing – the stress and the hardships I had endured – from the moment I arrived, Freedom From Torture (FFT) did not first look at my skin colour, my culture, or my religion. They supported me as best they could, sharing my pain and my anxieties. I still remember a meeting with a member of FFT, whose name I will withhold, where I was in tears. That person even cried with me, without hesitation, without looking away. This shows just how much I was supported, how they stood by me in my darkest moments, and how their compassion helped me find hope again
Since this encounter, he has achieved a degree in Engineering. Sharing compassion leads to hope and if you have hope, you can act.
Your response will not be perfect. A psychotherapist told me that you are not meant to cry with your clients but this person was prepared to show emotion – to be human and to share Nalougo’s pain. You may ask and someone may legitimately say, ‘I cannot talk about this at work’ and that is fine and needs to be accepted. You can always say, ‘of course, but if you do, then, I am here’. This is a very important act as an emotionally intelligent manager and colleague. You may want to point them to other resources such as the EAP (Employee Assistance Programme) but don’t use the EAP as your excuse not to talk
In If you meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill HIm by Sheldon B. Kopp | Goodreads there was a wonderful message. Sadly, the book is now a collector’s item and out of print but the message is timeless. “We cannot take away anyone’s pain but we can travel along the road with them”. This is what we do when we dare to speak, to acknowledge someone’s suffering and pain and when we do that, we live with our powerlessness to stop terrible things happening but we also discover our resilience in reaching out and offering our compassion. As Nalougo says in his poem on compassion:
Compassion envelops each in its tender embrace
Brings hope and comfort, in the darkness of life.
We should all remember this:
We offer compassion
Because we too will long for it, one day.
TogetherintheUK can help you craft statements on diversity issues.
We also offer a course on supporting a culturally diverse workforce.
To find out more: email tgiuk@togetherintheuk.co.uk or go to: www.togetherintheuk.co.uk for information about our organisation.
