Loneliness can feel like an invisible disability, impacting mental and physical well-being. But one community group is working to change that, building networks of connection and support to help people feel less alone.
When we think of people with a disability, we form a certain image in our minds – a stereotype, perhaps of someone in a wheelchair or some other physical sign of their disability. However, disabilities are often hidden and not always obvious. In the same way, loneliness can be considered a disability in the sense that it can significantly limit our ability to engage in daily activities, relationships, and work and even impair our physical and mental health. The frightening fact about loneliness is that it does not discriminate; it affects men and women, locals and refugees, young and old, and even the person who seems the most sociable can have a deep sense of loneliness within. Loneliness can lead to depression, and that can have long-term effects on our lifestyle and health and is considered by many to be one of the biggest public health issues facing our community.
We spoke to Farisai Dzemwa, a friend of TogetherintheUK, who not only contributed to our Hear Our Stories anthology but has also shared insights into life as a migrant in the UK for our website. However, Farisai has so much more to offer. She is a published author, a mental health professional, an advocate of migrants, a craft therapist, a community journalist, and a force of nature who does not let her own challenges stop her from helping others.
When Farisai was in yet another period of depression and feeling very alone, she spoke with a local charity that offered her help and the ability to share her struggles with other women. While it was no surprise to Farisai as she shared her stories that other people in her group were connecting and saying that they, too, had felt or were feeling the same, it also sparked an idea. If other people were feeling that same level of depression and it was bringing them down, why not set up a community to tackle loneliness, one of the core reasons for poor mental health – and so came about the Phoenix Empty Nester Creed.
The name alone reflects not only the sense of humour and positiveness that typifies Farisai but also her empathy and understanding of how it is to feel alone. The term empty nesters typically refers to the sense of loss parents can feel when their children leave home. However, it can also be when you become elderly and cannot get out much, or are in an abusive relationship where you feel alone, or if you have been bereaved or divorced, or as a refugee or migrant, you find yourself alone in a strange country, in these and many other related circumstances you experience that sense of social isolation which can bring down the strongest of spirits – hence Empty Nesters. The phoenix reflects the mythical story of rebirth from ashes, of rising again and again, and as Farisai explains, she too had been down many times over the years, but she was able to pull herself up and reignite to start living again. And that is what she hopes to achieve from her club – to help herself and others in similar situations reignite as normal a life as possible. Her group is international, with men and women joining in with different backgrounds and different reasons, but all wanting to connect with other people. An organisation called The Campaign to End Loneliness show figures that suggest that in 2022, 49.63% of adults (25.99 million people) in the UK reported feeling lonely occasionally, sometimes, often or always, and many other countries face similar stats.
Farisai explains that while reading and discussing books and poems is an element of the Phoenix Empty Nester Creed, they are more than a book club; they are a community, coming together to talk, discuss topics, share hobbies, share advice, and be there for each other to alleviate any sense of loneliness or depression. The members call themselves the Phoenix Family, and that is what they are: a family coming together online just to be together. Farisai and members such as Althia Barnett and Morshad Akhtar host a weekly ZOOM gathering every Saturday at 4 pm, and everyone is free to join as the ZOOM is posted on YouTube. In a recent online social event, the Phoenix Family had a gardening session- Live virtual Garden visit all the way to Kingston, Jamaica 🇯🇲 with sister Merna, one of our members, giving not only helpful gardening advice but demonstrating how hobbies such as gardening can be good ways of building connections. Tackling loneliness and fostering a sense of belonging is at the core of their existence, and they held a very informative session, with the Phoenix family hanging out over dinner, on understanding the difference between being alone and being lonely. We know there are many reasons for feeling lonely, and sharing those can foster inclusivity.
While much of the Phoenix Family connection is online, Fairisai hopes to plan in-person activities for local-based members.
One of the first activities the Phoenix Family did was to read stories from TogetherintheUK’s anthology of migrant writings, Hear Our Stories, and discuss their thoughts on the story or poem. According to Farisai one of the more interesting elements was hearing people’s different perspectives on these refugee and migrant stories, particularly from those people who have never had to leave their homes for economic reasons or to flee to another country for safety. This diversity of perspectives not only connects people with a shared sense of isolation but also broadens their understanding of the challenges of leaving your home country.
The club is open to anybody who wants to join and as well as connecting weekly for a topical discussion, there is a WhatsApp Group to ensure that sense of belonging is there at any time and not just the weekly meeting. Phoenix family members were happy to share their support of this community group and how it has helped them.
I am a Phoenix Empty Nest Creed Member. I joined this group to have support for loneliness since my children are all grown up. I found myself feeling lonely, and I needed a group like this. I like seeing members working together and getting more people come together for a common purpose of overcoming emptiness or loneliness because life is for those who live it. Bookreading especially the ‘Hear Our Stories’ has opened a whole can of worms in reflections on the different perspectives people have about the lives of migrants. Catheline Mahuto
Though I still have my family around me, i.e. my wife and kids, I still feel lonely at times because it is not the same as back home, where you have extended family around you always. Phoenix Empty Nesters Creed is like the extended family, and I get to learn a lot about coping in a foreign land from the diversity of members. My story being read reminded me of how hard it was leaving my family back home when I first arrived in the UK. It was also interesting to listen to other members perspectives on my story. Morshed Akhtar
I joined so I can be around positive supportive people such as Farisai Joy Dzemwa. So far I have been able to learn about culture and meeting new people through the book reading. Kerrie Fisher
Loneliness can affect every one of us at any time and that loneliness can be emotional, social or existential loneliness – a sense of being in a room of people you know and still feeling alone. If you are feeling lonely, reach out to Farisai, and the Phoenix Empty Nester Creed or any of the associations listed below.
To read more about the lives and impacts of migrants on UK society, go to TogetherintheUK.
To purchase a copy of Hear Our Stories, an anthology of migrant writings compiled by TogetherintheUK, go to Support Us | TogetherInTheUK
For help on loneliness from the NHS, visit Every Mind Matters
Farisai recommended some other similar community groups to reach out to if you are feeling lonely.
African Culture Diaspora
AnaChiheraUK
Community Health Champions
PCSG Sewing Group
